Writing with Asperger's: My Thoughts

 Writing

With

Asperger's

My

Thoughts

The definition and qualifications have changed recently as I recall but what I do remember from being diagnosed is that Asperger's is a high functioning form of Autism. I personally was diagnosed at nineteen and up until then had lead a creative life but through drawing. It wasn't until my mid to late twenties that I moved out and pursued writing fantasy. Now you might wonder where does Asperger's come in to play, well, it has everything to do with writing emotions and social acceptance.

Writing emotions are hard for me because my brain like my eyes take in everything all at once and not just the person or persons in front of me. I find myself using the same facial expressions and making up ones that only I can recall seeing in real life. The world around my characters receives more attention than they do. All of this has improved overtime but I'm still not satisfied personally.

The struggle to write emotions has also affected my ability to write real relationships. This has improved to a higher degree over the years thanks to a writer named Gareth L Powell. Concerning the relationship between two characters in a reworking of my first manuscript, he suggested the protagonist's wife read over the protagonist's shoulder in a scene. It helped me understand that relationships can be filled with habits. Habits that show how close two people can be. I thanked Mr. Powell by buying his books and they are worth every penny.

I find it weird though that for as hard as it is to give my characters emotions and for how much I've improved in that arena that I'm literally a extremely emotional guy.  I take life unconventionally seriously with standards so high for myself that no one can reach them. It just baffles me plain and simple.

Regarding social acceptance. I was raised to be good to others and have had an interest in so many cultures that I'm overly careful in respecting them. I've met writers and nonwriters from many walks of life. My writing will always be respectful of and be influenced by a multitude of cultures. What overwhelms and confuses me is that I fear others will disregard that show of respect. This leads me to wonder if all my years of learning were for nothing. 

It's difficult for me to make friends to begin with and I'm no idiot to the fact that not everyone will like me or what I write. I'd just like to get my foot in the door. To find and make more friends from across the globe. And preferably ones that understand that I'll help if I can. 

Our time in this world is limited and for writers we perform one of the most difficult tasks in the world and that is creating worlds. Worlds we think ourselves and others belong in. I believe deep down that I belong in a world of creatives. That is where I want to be most because where I'm at now is too limited and narrow, filled with necessary concerns but nonexistent dreams. I want to leave that world and write and read until my heart drops from its place in my chest. And there is only one place I can go to have that happen. Publishing. 

    

When Emotions are a Writer's Antagonist

 When

Emotions

are

a

Writer's

Antagonist

I recently had a close call with my thumb drive. It contained the main file I was working on. A magnet attached to a flash light meant for repairs nearly ruined it. This sent me into an emotional rage that spilled all over my day like oil a rocky coast. I blame my lack of caution.

Stories. Specifically ones a writer has written to their fullest are like our children. They're precious. We want constructive criticism and understanding of our message. And we understand when someone doesn't like it.

But that second paragraph you just read isn't what I'm getting at in this post. Art is a life choice and one that can't be forgotten or given up entirely. The talent to write, paint and sculpt is discovered by you. Its not given by God. And that life choice takes its toll along the journey to publication. I have been a poor manager of my emotions for a long time. I can't really give pro advice but what I can say is don't quit.

Quitting is the hangman's noose that doesn't kill you. It allows you to dangle until that knife in your pocket touches your fingertips and is either used or allowed to rust from time.

The salt applied firmly to your emotions as a writer is seeing others succeed. Its seeing thousands of writers gang up on as single writer that doesn't fit their narrative. There is no reason to be jealous because you are on your own journey. There is no reason for bullying in the writing community neither and please don't join in. Walk your own path and battle your own dragon because at days end and your last breath is being drawn, those people won't be their to show you up. Those people that don't march to your drum or someone elses will be carrying on without you.

You have to find allies to battle this antagonist. Family and friends are needed. Embrace them whether they get it or not. Embrace your writing friends because they will understand your emotions most. Never give anyone reason to isolate you upon a mountain top. 

And finally, give yourself a break from creating worlds. From beginning and ending lives with a flick of a pen or tap of a key. Breaks are the back rubs gifted by your ideal lover.